


A Kiss In Time

by Sashataakheru



Category: Australian Comedians RPF, Spicks and Specks RPF
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Meta, Unrequited Love, Wil Anderson: Closet Slash Writer, first person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-04
Updated: 2007-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:29:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wil sees The Kiss between Adam and Hamish and gets a little jealous. Wil’s POV. Plotless pointless angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Kiss In Time

Adam hadn’t told me exactly what was going to happen on the Christmas special, just that it was a surprise. Adam was good at that, telling you enough to make you watch, and find out he had been right. I’m shit at it. I mean, we’ve been friends for years, I admire him a lot. That’s why he doesn’t know. All my energy goes into keeping that secret. It might be the only secret I’ll ever be able to keep. I just know it’ll fuck everything up if I ever tell him.

I don’t think either of us expected my reaction to that kiss. I’d noticed the obvious flirting between Adam and Hamish all year, just like the fangirls, so it was no surprise that it came to a head at last when Adam kissed him. Adam thought it was hilarious. It was certainly a surprise, alright. I just wasn’t expecting to hate it.

It took a while to sink in. I had taped it just in case I hadn’t been able to watch it that night. I think I watched that kiss every day, and every day I hated it more. I hated how it was Hamish and Adam seemed so fucking keen on him, and how he just walked over there and fucking kissed him in front of everyone. I wanted to be in Hamish’s place. I wanted Adam all to myself, I hated that Hamish got to have what I wanted, but I didn’t know how to tell him. I don’t know if Adam picked up on it though, and if he had asked, I’d have been hard-pressed to tell him why. What am I saying? He’d have just had to give me that fucking concerned look of his and I’d have fucking spilled my guts. Bastard.

The jealousy was the worst part. Adam hadn’t hesitated to tell me when he and Hamish had actually hooked up. We’re good friends, why wouldn’t he have told me? And I was happy for them, I mean, why shouldn’t they be happy? It just killed me that he wanted Hamish and not me. What did Hamish have that I didn’t? I held my tongue because I didn’t want to wreck their relationship. I might not think things through half the time, but I’m not that insensitive. If Adam was happy, who was I to complain?

Adam and I had had our fair share of drunken make-out sessions, but that never really satisfied my desire to be his. I didn’t just want him when we were pissed. I wanted him when I was sober. I think he’d hate me if he knew how much time I spent fantasising about him. I think he really would hate me if he knew I was writing them down, and occasionally letting others read them, if I thought they were good enough.

It’s funny, seeing how others characterise you, seeing which version of you they like the most, as if it’s some sort of contest. And some of the things they think I’m interested in! But I don’t want to spoil their fun. Let them have their fantasies. I have mine. Sometimes they help me get to sleep at night, thinking about his hands all over me, touching me, kissing me, fucking me.

Sometimes I think it’s sad how much I obsess over those few intimate moments we shared, even though we were drunk. I think he’s driving me mad, to tell you the truth.

I probably shouldn’t have been drinking when I saw that kiss for the first time. It only intensified the jealousy. And as much as a part of me wanted to write about Adam and Hamish and what they might’ve been doing after the show, as much as I tried, I just couldn’t. I kept replacing Hamish with me, and then I was back to my old ways, pouring my fantasies out on paper, faking a relationship I couldn’t have because I was too chicken to make a move. I wonder if he’ll ever know how much I love him? Jesus, don’t be ridiculous, Anderson. You’ll never fucking tell him.


End file.
